It's quiet on the DME front right now; the Christmas/New Year season always means a lull in activity in most professions. Yes, we're still taking care of patients, but the politics are on hold, for now.
I am a firm believer in reflection. I know my merits and I know (all too well) my flaws. I'm not one of those people (one of those annoying, self-righteous, deluded people) who look only at the good points and ignore the bad points of my personality. There are days that I look in the mirror and like what I see, just as there are days I look in the mirror and don't like what I see.
I figure I'm doing well if I can stand myself at least half the time.
Millions of us have made or are making resolutions for the new year; a tiny fraction of us will actually keep those resolutions. I sometimes wonder if those of us who make resolutions do it because it's expected, but do so with the full knowledge that we're not going to keep them. I think we have good intentions, but making changes is hard.
A couple of years ago a friend of mine said that her resolution for the new year was to become a better person. I replied that I liked her fine as she was, and could she elaborate on what she means by "better," please?
bet·ter 1 (btr)
adj. Comparative of good.
1. Greater in excellence or higher in quality.
2. More useful, suitable, or desirable: found a better way to go; a suit with a better fit than that one.
3. More highly skilled or adept: I am better at math than English.
4. Greater or larger: argued for the better part of an hour.
5. More advantageous or favorable; improved: a better chance of success.
6. Healthier or more fit than before: The patient is better today.
adv. Comparative of well2.
1. In a more excellent way.
2.
a. To a greater extent or degree: better suited to the job; likes it better without sauce.
b. To greater advantage; preferably: a deed better left undone. See Usage Notes at best, have, rather.
3. More: It took me better than a year to recover.
n.
1. One that is greater in excellence or higher in quality.
2. A superior, as in standing, competence, or intelligence. Usually used in the plural: to learn from one's betters.
v. bet·tered, bet·ter·ing, bet·ters
v.tr.
1. To make better; improve: trying to better conditions in the prison; bettered myself by changing jobs. See Synonyms at improve.
2. To surpass or exceed.
v.intr.
To become better.
Better Off?
I'm all for improving a skill or a talent. If you're good at something, it can be very gratifying to become better at it. Or, conversely, if you're really bad at something, it can be quite rewarding to become better at what you're naturally bad at.
But my friend didn't mean she wanted to become better at any specific thing; she meant that she wanted to become a better person in general.
I suppose the goal has to be defined by the person setting the goal. My idea of being a "better" person is probably worlds apart from how another person would define it. The word "better" is subjective.
She explained that she wanted to be kinder. And she wanted to be more charitable.
Okay, I can grasp that. It usually costs nothing to be kind to another person, though I find it almost impossible to be "kind" to someone I dislike or who has been unkind to me. I'm sometimes just not good at letting bygones be bygones, and the truth of the matter is that sometimes pay-back is appropriate (and sometimes revenge just feels good).
Kindness, though, is a good thing. What concerned me was that she was going veer off into the path of righteous morality as dictated by someone (or someones) other than herself.
Correct morality can only be derived from what man is — not from what do-gooders and well-meaning aunt Nellies would like him to be. (Robert A. Heinlein)
Goodness alone is never enough. A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil. (Robert A. Heinlein)
We've all heard about some of the famous rich who have decided to give away millions and millions for charitable reasons. I'm not opposed to being financially charitable, but if I'm going to give money or resources away, I'm going to do in a way that will help tackle the ills we have in this country, not in some remote village half a world away.
The thing about charity that bothers me is this: It's expected. The wealthy are often pressured by society (or by their more liberal wealthy peers) to be charitable. Whether wealth is inherited or earned makes no difference; the wealth belongs to the person who has it, and no person or society is entitled to dictate what one does with one's money.
Too often do-gooders want to do good with someone else's money.
Nothing of value is free. Even the breath of life is purchased at birth only through gasping effort and pain. (Robert A. Heinlein)
The problem with charity is that it rarely solves problems. And the people who receive it are rarely grateful (some tend to feel entitled to have what they're being given). I think that the Portuguese word for "thank you" ("obrigado" if you're male or "obrigada" if you're female) conveys the sense of obligation that our phrase does not. And obligation often does lead to resentment.
It's not a rare thing to bite the hand that feeds you. It's so common that we have a cliche about it.
Yet more and more often we have drummed into our heads that those who have have an obligation to those who have not.
Social responsibility above the level of family, or at most of tribe, requires imagination-- devotion, loyalty, all the higher virtues -- which a man must develop himself; if he has them forced down him, he will vomit them out. (Robert A. Heinlein)
Charity is not a debt one owes to one's fellow man. Though it may be a good thing to give help to those in need who are not related to the giver, no one should impose the obligation of charity on another. Giving should always come from a willing heart and be received by an appreciative heart.
My friend, however, is not wealthy, and has no money to give away. I could only conclude that she meant that she wanted to cultivate a kindly and lenient attitude toward people.
I'm an honest person, and so I told her that we have far too much lenience these days, thanks. The poison of lenience has created a society of lazy parents and ill-mannered children; lenience has led to more crime, less punishment, and a steady deterioration of the work ethic that built this country and made it great.
Not very charitable of me? White-washing something doesn't make it go away, and sugar-coating something doesn't make it more palatable in the long run.
I can hear some of my readers now: It's Christmas! How unkind and uncharitable can you be at such an important time of year for Christians?
My answer is simple. I am who I am every day of the year.
The origins of Christmas are easy to find for anyone willing to look. The true origin of Christmas is pagan; the holiday was a harvest festival that marked the winter solstice (the return of the sun—and honored Saturn, the god of sowing). Saturnalia was a rowdy time, much opposed by the more austere leaders among the still-minority Christian sect. Christmas developed as a means of replacing worship of the sun with worship of the Son.
Too many "Christians" become kind during major "religious" festivals, but fail to be so most of the year. I am who I am; I won't don a cloak of kindness, charity, and humility because of a holiday.
I know too many hypocrites, I suppose. I've met too many "Christians" who lie, cheat, steal, and who are judgmental, narrow-minded, and obnoxiously self-righteous. These people assume masks of religious kindness during Christmas and Easter, but are barely tolerable the other 363 days of the year.
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. (Robert A. Heinlein)
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. (Robert A. Heinlein)
I participate in Christmas; I buy presents and give them to family. What I don't do is infuse the holiday with any religious significance. I see and approach it as a commercial venture. If the gifts I give make the recipients happy, then that, for me, is the joy in the season.
When I think of the new year that's approaching, I hope that it will be better than the current year, and I know that I'll work toward realizing some of my goals. I'm too practical to make resolutions that I know I can't (or won't) keep; I'm not going to promise myself and others that I'm going to change certain aspects of my personality (and then fail to do it).
I am who I am. And though I may not be perfect, and though I know there's always room for improvement, I embrace who I am because there's no one else on earth like me.
And there's no one on earth like you. I encourage all of you to go into 2011 being who you are.
May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live. (Robert A. Heinlein)
P.S. Many thanks to the reader for the links to the quotes in today's blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment